An Update


I think we’re overdue for an update,
although not much has really been going on around these parts.
I’ve just spent the last few months growing a baby in my tummy,
while time passes by–not quick enough.

My days are spent mostly in thick waste-banded sweatpants,
a messy bun and 4 day unwashed hair,
with smeared mascara under my eyes.

I can be seen hunched over the porcelain thrown about a 6-12 times daily,
avoiding any sort of “food” smells,
sipping G2 Gatorade,
and massaging the migraine that has taken permanent residence in my temples.

Honey Combs and Kix are my go-to meal,
frozen yogurt is my special treat.

I’ve attempted every sort of remedy out there to no avail.
So now, nearly 15 weeks into this pregnancy,
I’m just sorta accepting that this is how life is going to be for a bit.

Laundry will go unwashed,
beds will go unmade,
meals will go uncooked,
emails will go unanswered
and in the end, Elmo may be the one I have to thank for teaching my kid his ABC’s.

Because sometimes “good enough” is…well, good enough.
And that’s something this pregnancy is teaching me to accept.

This pregnancy is teaching me to let go of some of that Mommy guilt.

The guilt that overwhelms your soul,
and convinces you that you are surely ruining this stage of your toddlers life…
as he begs you to dance and wrestle with him though you can hardly lift your head from the couch.

The guilt that tells you two nights in a row of Mac & Cheese will surely harm his growth.
The guilt that points out you haven’t taken him for a proper hair cut in who knows how long,
that reminds you his pants ride an inch above his shoes and he needs new big boy clothes,
and the bicycle you got him for Christmas isn’t quite as “ridden” as you imagined it would be.

And then, just when the Mommy guilt tells you that you’ve surely scarred your kiddo for life,
you sprint to the toilet to heave up your lunch,
and from the corner of your eye you see his big baby blues peaking into the bathroom…
and he whispers, It’s okay Momma.

And with tears in your eyes,
you realize your toddler is right.
It will be okay.

You see, if it were up to Mommy guilt,
us Momma’s would never have more than one child.
But it’s not up to Mommy Guilt.
It’s up to us.
And our divine nature.
And our faith in this whole creation process.
And what we know in our hearts to be right for our little family.

Because no one ever promised it would be easy,
just that it would be worth it.

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  • Reply
    Erica @ Acire Adventures
    January 17, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Although I miss your blog updates, I understand 100%. Sending lots of love your way, hoping that you’ll get a break from the illness at some point during your pregnancy! Hang in there. πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    as I was reading this The Beatles “Let It Be” came on my iPod (on shuffle). love little moments like that. you’re family is lucky to have you.

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    I love this, you are so right…and I hope the morning {or all day} sickness eases up for you!!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    hang in there! if it helps my oldest eats mac and cheese all the time one of the only things I can get him to eat. I convince myself that dairy is good for him:) My youngest is getting ready to turn 3 and I am planning his party. My oldest asked the other day if kids of only child families get to have birthdays all the time. He isn’t a fan of having someone else in the spotlight, however I know having a brother will teach him lessons I would never be able to if he is an only child. I know he would have more of me, but I am afraid he would have less of what I want him to be. You are right let it go, somehow those babies know we love them even in our darkest hours.

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    You. Will. Make. It.


  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    you so nailed it with this post! just had my 2nd kiddo 2 weeks ago and i had the mommy guilt when it came to my 20 month old. but i made it through and all is well and it was worth it all!! hope it gets better!!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    I’m right there with ya!!! I FINALLY found relief 2 weeks ago (I’ll be 20 weeks on Friday)…. it’s so hard for me to fight off the guilt. Toddlers are so friendly and forgiving… thank Goodness!! πŸ™‚

    Hope you turn a corner soon! xoxo

  • Reply
    nicolette @ momnivore's dilemma
    January 17, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    the mama guilt never goes away.

    my oldest son watched lots of elmo when I was preggers with #2. and he does know all his abc’s from word world…

    try eating coconut oil for the morning sickness. the book real food for mama and baby by nina planck is a great go-to for all things health during pregnancy…

    my best,

  • Reply
    RadiomomRhetoric (Lisa Kaye)
    January 17, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    Rest well Ash…you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. πŸ™‚

    Best to you!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    I feel your pain. I have a 21 month old and a 2 month old. The mommy guilt is awful at times. It only seemed to get worse when she came, but then one night we were all cuddling on the couch and he reached over and held her hand the way he holds mine. It made me cry and I realized that he may get jealous now, but he does love her.
    A bit of advice a friend of mine, who has children very close together, kept giving me (over and over again) was in a couple of months he won’t remember life without her. Then he can’t resent her changing his life. It seems true to me, things are falling back into a routine and it seems as if his life has always been this way. Now he just wonders why she won’t play with him!
    Good luck! It is wonderful having two small children!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Sorry you are feeling so rotten! Nothing can compare to those toddlers trying to take care of you. I slammed the overhead car door straight down on to my head this morning. My 2 year old rubbed my head and said , “it’s ok mama. I’ll kiss it and make it better.”. πŸ˜‰

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    I swear I’ve been thinking about you daily since you announced your pregnancy. I was the same sick with bob girls. I feel your pain and have felt your guilt. It’s so hard with a little one running around while you’re hunched in the bathroom. I totally get it all, this whole post.
    If here is anything I can do to help, please let me know. I’d be happy to help in anyway I can.
    Hugs and love,

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Congrats on the baby to be! There are worst things in the world then Elmo . . . they are all the same ABC’s. Good luck!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    I am sorry you are so sick. Your posts are greatly missed. Hope you are feeling well soon!!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Ohhhhhh Yucky……You poor thing!
    I hope this passes soon for you and that you can enjoy your pregnancy!
    Best Wishes for feeling well SOON! <3

  • Reply
    Jen Staffeldt
    January 17, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Love reading your posts – sorry to hear you’re so sick with this one, too. God is so good – He helps everyone adapt to the many seasons in our lives…looks like He’s doing that for you and baby W.

    Take care and as always, keep staying strong and showing us all that we’re not alone!

  • Reply
    Elle @ Elle The Heiress
    January 17, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    I’ve had a very similar pregnancy with my #3. I’m now It took until 18 weeks for the “morning sickness” to stop being 24/7. It was so bad for me that even taking Zofran wouldn’t help. Now, I’m 19.5 weeks and feeling pretty good. Hopefully it gets better for you soon, too!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Missing my daily visits to your blog. I’ve been following you for a long time now. I don’t know you, but I kind of know you: through your blog and all that I’ve read.

    Take care….wishing you better days πŸ™‚

    This post was wonderful. So real….I had goosebumps. Take care.

  • Reply
    Nicole S.
    January 17, 2012 at 10:23 pm

    Oh Ashley, I am so sorry that you are sick this pregnancy too. I’m assuming you have tried Zofran? I had to go to the hospital so I could get it via IV. I can’t imagine having a toddler and being that sick. Praying that it’s almost over since your getting closer to that mid 2nd trimester point! Oh and I am going to Creative Estates in March- looking forward to meeting you! πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    I am 7 wks pregnant and am feeling so sick! Laundry and dust bunnies may just take over my house. Yo Gabba Gabba has been playing a ton. The mommy guilt is brutal! Thanks for posting!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Great to hear how you’re doing! You have the cutest little boy there and you really are doing great!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    Praying for you friend. SO excited for your new baby…I can definately relate to these feelings…especially lately! Hang in there. God never gives us more than we can handle…which sounds cheesy but is SO true! πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    I miss your posts but I am so glad you’re taking care of number one. I’d definitely rather hear from you once a month, than have you be miserable and posting every day. I hope you get feeling better soon!!!

  • Reply
    Magen T.
    January 17, 2012 at 10:29 pm

    OH LMM, this made my eyes fill with tears!!! I am also preg w/ number two and feeling awful… I KNOW that mommy guilt tries to eat you up! Bless your heart and that sweet Lil W! Praying for STRENGTH!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:30 pm

    I’m so sorry you’ve been so sick! That’s no fun at all, but I know it’s worth it in the end. I know you’ve said you have tried everything, but Preggie Pops worked wonders for me! Hopefully you can find something to ease the nausea.

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:30 pm

    HI, Ashley

    I really how you feel better soon and get lots of rest.


  • Reply
    Sparkle and Co
    January 17, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    I didn’t know that you were pregnant!!! Congratulations and take care. 2012 will be a very awesome year to you and your family! Prends soin de toi (take care)

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    wow, it sounds like you’re having quite the adventure with this pregnancy too. but it’s so sweet that little W is loving on you, and it will all be okay in the end. a few months of laying low will be a-okay for your sweet toddler and your newborn will thank you for that too. you’re doing just fine, lady πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    lani Derrick
    January 17, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Beautiful posting, Hope you are feeling better soon:)

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Oh no! I hope baby #2 eases up a bit…I cannot imagine being sick for that long with a toddler. Sending you positive vibes !!! xxoo

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    What a little sweetheart he is πŸ™‚ Hope you start feeling better soon hun!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    So glad to have you back, I have totally missed your posts. Although I totally understand that first trimester misery. Hang in there, can’t wait to find out if baby W is having a brother or sister!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    Hang in there sweet lady! You are almost to the honeymoon stage of pregnancy! Your little man is such a doll.
    Big Hugs,

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Awe I am praying that this will get easier for you Ash. Take all the extra help you an get even if it’s from Elmo πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Here’s to hoping you feel better soon…I was sooo sooo sick with both of my kids and by about 20 weeks I felt somewhat normal again.
    Let’s hope yours passes too!

    Enjoy your snuggle time with your little guy!

  • Reply
    Christina @ Christina's Adventures
    January 17, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    oh thanks for this post – I’m sure SO many other mommies can relate!! You’re such a good mom with so much love for your babies πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Oh boy, so sorry about the all day sick. yuck. brings back so many memories! This last pregnancy 18 weeks was the magic number. Hoping yours comes earlier or at least around that time. Great outlook on the whole situation. You’re a great writer!!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    I am so sorry that you are so sick. That does not sound fun at all. I have no idea what morning sickness is like. I was only sick a day and a half with my daughter and never with my son. I hope that soon it will pass so that you can feel so much better. Good luck!!!!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Hi there! I feel your pain, I was sick during my WHOLE pregnancy. My doctor ended up prescribing me an anti-nausea medication called Zofran – it’s a life saver!! I went from throwing up about 20times a day to about 4times.
    Wishing you the very best! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog!!!

  • Reply
    Cathy Kelemen
    January 17, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Did you try heavy peach syrup? Just a suggestion. I’ve never had a hard pregnacy……the getting pregnant was the hard part…..but in the end—-just like you said—-so worth it! I always say the greater the struggle the greater the blessing in the end. Take care of yourself and that baby you carry. Your little man knows you love him and he will be great! Praying for you!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    It will be okay!! I promise! It is so much harder to be pregnant when you have a little one already. I have guilt everyday and question whether or not I am ruining his life. Little boys are really good at taking care of mommies. I am 34 weeks now and trust me, second trimester will be in full swing soon and you SHOULD start to feel normal long enough to play with him, and then you get to the point where you are once again no fun, short on patience, and too big to play!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    Thank you for this post! I am struggling with Mommy guilt right now A LOT, trying to raise a 17 month old and manage a growing business from my home. Some of the last things you said really hit me good and I realized that some of my thoughts were irrational, etc. Thanks so much and I REALLY really hope you feel better soon!!!!!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    So glad you are alive! We’ve missed you! TRUST ME, I totally know how you feel about the whole guilt thing. & I was only sick for the first twelve weeks with baby #2!! Praying for you girly! This too shall pass and before you know it you’ll be holding your new baby in your arms and feeling 150% better. And your little man probably won’t even remember this tough time in your life.

    Oh, and there is NOTHING wrong with feeding your kiddo mac n cheese EVERY night. I do. And I’m not sick!


  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    Oh congratulations – so happy for you on this pregnancy news! Hoping you feel much better soon.

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    I’m sure you are still WONDER MOMMA – but sending happy, (non-queasy) thoughts your way!
    If it makes you feel any better — I’d give just about anything to be in your (sick) shoes. πŸ™‚
    Hope you’re feeling better SOON!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    You are an amazing momma!!!

    Remember, this too shall pass. It’s only for a season, and before you know it, you will have another sweet babe to hold. Your son will be perfectly fine, as you are still doing everything you can for him. He knows you’re there for him and that you love him. As I said, you are an amazing momma! πŸ™‚

    Andrea xoxo

  • Reply
    Tonya @ Love of Family & Home
    January 17, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    Praying that things get better for you soon!!! Until then, take all the time that you need! Your babies need you! πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    Rebecca N.Z
    January 17, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    Always remember nothing worth having comes easy!! πŸ™‚ also maybe you need to discuss with your Midwife (sorry dont know how it works where you are) about some medication for the morning sickness.

    Get better soon, Ive had 3 and while the make me pull my hair out at times – I wouldnt be without them

    xx From a kiwi girl

  • Reply
    Lindsey skinner
    January 17, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    Mommy guilt plagues us all! When I was pregnant with #3 my little one (they are 22 months apart) would look at me and all I felt was that I was ruining his babyhood. My oldest was 6 at the time and I was always yelling at her to watch her brother while I ran to the toilet! I thought I was ruining it for both of them.
    Now, my boys are inseparable! They love each other and my now 2 1/2 yr old won’t go to bed without kissing “baby”!! Life will adjust!
    From the moment I found out that I was prego with #3 I kept telling myself that God wouldn’t give me anything I couldn’t handle. He knows my strength better than I do! I know you will be fine! Just take it a day at a time! As for little W, don’t worry- he doesn’t care if his pants are a little short, his hair is long, or if he eats Mac n cheese all day! Take care!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    I am sorry this is a rough time but I am excited for your new addition! I definitely miss your updates and look forward to their return. Hopefully you will pop in as often as possible. This too shall pass and you will be blessed with another adorable babe!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    You are doing amazing Lee! You have been out, dressed, and bathed with a clean looking, fed child far more than I ever would have expected. You are making it to school, you are making it for playdates, you are doing amazing. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and when you are, call me. I’m still waiting for my to-do list. I LOVE YOU!

  • Reply
    January 17, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    Ive never been preggo, but I’ve had daily nausea for 3 years now so I can relate to that.
    I’m so sorry you have been so sick. I’m lucky enough to just have the chronic nausea and no vomiting.
    Have you tried any aromatherapy oils? I just discovered some called “peace and calm” and it helps relax your body and tummy.
    I hope you can get an iv soon if it gets too bad. I take phenegren daily and that helps more than zofran but I’m not sure if you can take it pregnant. :-/ I will be praying for strength for you! Feel free to ask any questions…

  • Reply
    Kassi @ Truly Lovely
    January 17, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    Aw! I pray I have a kiddo as super sweet as Baby W! Sending happy thoughts your way!

  • Reply
    Jenna Allen
    January 18, 2012 at 12:07 am

    Your words are so true! I kinda laughed and totally wanted to cry with you about the mommy guilt. Every mother experiences the same. exact. thing. Last week I had strep throat and the flu and was pretty much confined to the couch as my 1 year old had free reign of the house. I remember one day I fell asleep and woke up to her eating bananas from breakfast off the floor. I was utterly mortified and felt like the worst mother ever!
    I think sometimes we just have to give ourselves a break though and know that ultimately our kids will turn out just fine if every meal isn’t perfectly balanced and they aren’t loved on every single moment of the day. We do our best each day and that is enough.

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 12:08 am

    Oh I hope the all day sickies will give you some relief soon. My boys are now 10 & 12, and you are so right its not easy but SO WORTH EVERY MINUTE.
    I’m glad your back.

  • Reply
    Redheaded Daybook
    January 18, 2012 at 12:08 am

    this was truly touching and made me tear up.
    i do pray you start feeling better soon.
    and your right. worth it.

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 12:19 am

    awww, so sorry to hear how hard things have been! i totally understand what you’re going through. i had a really tough 2nd pregnancy and i felt sooo bad for my son the whole time. growing a baby in your belly is a tough job so give yourself lots of credit and love. hang in there!!

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 12:21 am

    I love this post! Made me cry!

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 12:26 am

    I just when through this mama…it is so hard. So hard to even take that first step to have another baby..because you know what’s coming. I spent 5 months on the couch with my little W asking “mama ok?” every time i crawled into the bathroom to throw up nothing. I sat and sobbed in the midwife’s office and begged for something, anything to help..because none of the meds, none of the remedies that work for everyone else work for me. It’s so hard…I KNOW. But he won’t remember this…he WILL remember all the fun he has with his sibling. It’s a gift you’re giving him that’s hard work, work he’ll never truly understand unless his wife has HG too. For you, just keep clinging to faith, and knowing this is proof of how strong you are…and how greatly you LOVE your babies. The moment when that little one comes this side you will feel amazing! Praying for you!

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 12:27 am

    i do miss your posts, but i completely understand!! i really hope you feel better and the days get easier for you… lil w is SO sweet, he knows his mama does her absolute best and loves him so much πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 12:33 am

    I love this post! SO SO sorry you are so sick. I can’t imagine! But it’s so true, everything you are doing is good enough. You seem like an incredible mom. I hope you feel better soon πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    Jen B.
    January 18, 2012 at 12:38 am

    Aw, it IS okay, Momma! Just hang in there. I know the feeling of extreme pregnancy sickness and I know, as bad as it is, it will pass! Hope you get to feeling better soon, so you can enjoy more of that lovely little family you have. πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Thank you for sharing this! I’m pregnant with my first and the nausea at week 12 is getting worse rather than better. I’m crying into my dinner because its takeout again and my husband had to clean the kitchen again after a long day at work, It just kills me that I can’t take care of things like I’m supposed to, like I’m used to. Thank you for reminding me that sometimes it is okay to do the best you can because that’s all you have to give at the moment.

  • Reply
    Cassie @ Live.Laugh.L0ve.
    January 18, 2012 at 1:03 am

    Oh love! I am so sorry this pregnancy is so hard on you! I sure do miss you around the blog world! What a beautiful & inspiring post, even if you aren’t feeling your best!

    Many, many hugs!!

  • Reply
    Mindy Harris
    January 18, 2012 at 1:14 am

    this really touched my heart, ash. you are an incredible writer. i will be praying you fell better, sweetheart.

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 1:22 am

    Have you tried acupuncture? I really believe in the healing powers of Eastern medicine and know plenty of mommas who have successfully used acupuncture to get rid of nausea.

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 1:43 am

    Not sure how I managed to miss this happy, happy news, but CONGRATS on the wee one you are expecting! So thrilled for you m’dear. And I hear you on the mommy guilt. I’ve had a particularly difficult day, and it’s tough. I think we’re all doing better than we think, though, which is what I have to remind myself of on a constant basis.

    You are lovely and inspiring and truly the sweetest. Hope you feel better soon, soon, soon!

  • Reply
    rachel foos
    January 18, 2012 at 1:56 am

    You are am AMAZING mama!!! I hope you get lots of rest and hopefully (fingers crossed) start to feel better soon! You look fabulous! XOXO

  • Reply
    Amanda M.
    January 18, 2012 at 2:10 am

    This is so beautiful. I hope your sickness eases up. I had a friend who had hyperemesis gravidarum and had the ‘zofran pump’ – I don’t know that it was perfect, but I think it helped a bit. Praying for you!

  • Reply
    girly tomboy
    January 18, 2012 at 2:25 am

    So- I did the same thing. I just had my newborn babe and now life is happy again.
    ps-I kid you not Super Why on PBS taught my kid the alphabet. He’s not even 2 and he knows them all, we didn’t even know he knew them until by accident.
    pps-kids love Mac and Cheese.

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 3:06 am

    oh miss ashley.
    It was the worst worst part. I remember doing the exact same.
    The part that felt the worst was that everyone else was going about like nothing was happening and meanwhile you feel like you are on a roller coaster ride that you are just not sure when it will come to a stop.
    Or someone would make a comment about how women have been having babies forever and what was my problem that I was making it so hard?
    If I wasn’t running to the bathroom to puke I might have had to take that person O.U.T.
    Hang in there.

  • Reply
    Romance In A Glance
    January 18, 2012 at 4:15 am

    Absolutely beautiful! I sure hope you get to feeling better. You sound like such an amazing mommy-don’t feel guilty. You’re quite an amazing person. Have a great week!

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 4:40 am

    Hi Ashley! I am so so sorry for all you ate going through! I too experience severe morning sickness (just in the first trimester)to the point of iv’s. And migraines (all 9 months)
    that landed me in the emergency room twice!! With a mandatory catscan at 38 weeks because my doctpr was so concerned. It was so awful. I have a girl (9) and a boy (11 months) Both pregnancys were bad. There was no difference. I was major bummed. Buuutt sssoooooo…….The thought that I am currently working on child number three, scares the living daylights out of me!! But the good news is that I am! which means that you will soon realize just how worth it these awful 9months are!! My daughter was midly traumatized and I had to sleep with her for 6 months because she was terrified I was going to die in my sleep but we are over that now.. And let me tell you… That age gap guilt never does go away.. My daughter will never have a sister to share secrets with. Her kids will not have cousins the same age. She won’t have abig brother to protect her in high school. She won’t have any of the things that I so wanted for her… So hang in there! The rest can wait. The Mac and cheese and abcs will pale in comparison to the lifelong blessings of having a sibling. But,, even though my tatum won’t have the blessings of a close sibling, she still loves him so stinking much that she is on board to go through it with me again so that we can have another one. I am so sorry for you and If we lived close, I would totally be taking care of you!! The one thing I can say to try that I have never found anywhere else… Rub icy hot on your temples and the back of your neck. It helps a little.. Also.. Has your doctor prescribed butalibtal? It took a small edge off of a migraine Anything is welcome.. And the er gave me a cocktail of I’v drugs.. I don’t know off the top of my head what it was.. Benadryl, saline.. And something else…? Maybe ask your doctor about that. (for the headaches) I hope you get at least a little relief soon!! I am so so so s sorry for you! But hang in there!!!!!!

    Your friend,


  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 4:50 am

    Being a mom is so overwhelming. Thank you for reminding me that I’m not alone, even when I totally feel like I am. I just found out I’m expecting my fourth and my oldest are almost three (twins) and while I am super grateful to be a mom, I feel completely inadequate and experience that momma guilt ALL THE TIME. Thanks again for posting. I really needed to read what you wrote. Hope you feel human again soon!

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Ugh, sounds horrible! One of the worst feelings I think, is throwing up. I really hope this gets better for you. your getting close to being able to find out what your having! That’s such an exciting moment. And there is no shame in letting Elmo take the ABC reigns for a bit. ( Elbow as my daughter calls him.) And P.S. not even gonna lie, I got pretty excited to see you posted today πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    Auntie Bubbie
    January 18, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Hang in there Monkey Woman. You are a wonderful mom and Wesley is a very special boy and I am so proud of you and your family. Just take one day at a time and “LET IT BE” and soon, #2 will be here and so worth it that you won’t even remember what you went through to bring another angel into this world. I love you soooooooooooo much.

  • Reply
    Melanie Cantelmo
    January 18, 2012 at 5:55 am

    hang in there girl! I get pretty sick too, not as sick but pretty sick and it is so hard when you have little ones at home. I hope you get lots of rest and LOTS OF HELP! Thankfully we are only pregnant for a long 9 months!

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Loved this post. Was brought to tears with the bit about W saying ‘it’s okay Momma’. So adorable. You’re a great Mom. Momma’s guilt is a horrible thing and I feel it all too much (I think all mom’s do). I hope you start feeling better. I was terribly sick through both of my pregnancies and don’t wish the same on anyone. Hopefully it will lessen up the further along you get. And get your rest. Growing babies takes a lot of work!


  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 6:58 am

    I am taking your quote ‘ no one said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it’ and making it my mantra. Cheers to ending the mother guilt. I hope your sickness eases and that the light at the end of your tunnel is a beautiful healthy baby.

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 11:12 am

    hang in there! you sound like you are raising a caring and precious little boy. πŸ˜€

  • Reply
    Steph Paul
    January 18, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    So sorry you are having a rough time. I am just now 21 weeks and am starting to feel normal again:) I did not have it near as bad as you…but hearing what you are experiencing I can sooooo feel your pain!!!! My twin boys didn’t really watch much tv till I started with the morning sickness from the moment I got up till I went to bed! I had the mommy guilt and I pretty much looked like you….even the smeared mascara:) It was so nice to find a post from you today:) You are missed!

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Oh my gosh, reading the “It’s okay Momma” from your little boy brought tears to my eyes. I’m so blessed that all three of my children are compassionate and sweet that way.
    The mommy guilt… ooooh the mommy guilt — My middle child, the 3 year old, looked up at me with big brown shiny tear filled eyes this morning and told me “I’m really really going to miss you when you are at work today” I cried all. the. way. to. work. Ugh, the Mommy Guilt. You think it’s gone and it comes rearing back again and again. But the inbetween moments are the best ever and I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. Hang in there, I love having three kids – watching them play and laugh and run together is the best thing ever. You’ll get there, little momma πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I suffered with Hyperemesis with both of my pregnancies – have you been diagnosed with this? The only thing that helped for me was medication, specifically, Zofran or Reglan. Once the meds kicked in, I was able to feel somewhat human again and stop throwing up constantly. Good luck – I’m hoping it doesn’t last your whole pregnancy, so that you can enjoy at least some of it. If you haven’t tried already, please try one of those medications, it definitely worked wonders for me (and my cousin who had hyperemesis as well).

    Sending you much love, from an empathetic momma.

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Beautifully written! I know it is so tough going through pregnancy with a little one. I’m about 30 weeks with my second daughter and my first is almost 2. I can totally relate. I remember at the beginning of my pregnancy when I was really sick, that I would go into the bathroom to throw up and my daughter would imitate my gagging noises. My husband thought it was funny, but it broke my heart, because I somehow felt like I was hurting her. The mom guilt can creep up and hit you when you least expect it. But look at your little guy. He’s beautiful, he’s smart, he has two parents that would do anything for him, and he will probably never feel less loved or cared for during this difficult time. Trust in God and lift up your pain to Him!! There are so many things we have to be thankful for! You are a strong momma and I know you will get through it!!

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I am SO sorry you are so sick. I know you’ve probably tried everything in the world, and I know everyone probably keeps giving you recommendations, but just in case…Zofran and acupuncture.

    PLEASE don’t feel one bit guilty about little W. You are doing what you can do, and he loves you no matter what. Chances are, he will never remember that you spent a mere few months of his life not giving him all of your attention. You are a great mommy. Hang in there!

  • Reply
    Heidi of Wonder Woman Wannabe
    January 18, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Oh, girl I FEEL your pain. I was terribly terribly sick with both my pregnancies. (had the same clinical condition you referenced) Have you considered medication? My doc put me on it as soon as he found out how many times I was ‘loosing my cookies’. I lost 10 lbs in the first 10 weeks of my first pregnancy…

    I took zofran. It provided merciful relief for me in both cases and my babes are adorably healthy/perfect. Ask for it from your doc. I promise it is a life changer.


  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Girl, I FEEL YOU. I’ll be 16 weeks on Saturday (we’re so close!) and I absolutely have had to muster up the energy to blog. The laundry keeps piling up, dinners have consisted of turkey sandwiches and macaroni and cheese. Sometimes, I put the sammies on the Foreman so I feel like I made a panini and it’s fancier. I had migraines from 6-13 weeks and they have FINALLY started to subside. I couldn’t drink enough water, but water made me sick. I’ve been prescribed zofran and something else for the headaches, but I haven’t taken them once. I haven’t even filled the prescriptions. Maybe I’m totally hard-headed, but I’ve endured headaches and nausea before and these times are for a much better cause… so I’ll endure. Best of luck and I hope you begin to feel better, soon.

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    I swear you read my mind! I am pregnant also, and the mommy guilt is overwhelming, but reading your post makes me feel better. I will go to this post whenever that guilt creeps up. You are such a great writer and I appreciate you always being so honest. I really hope you feel better because you certainly helped me:)

  • Reply
    Kara Thompson
    January 18, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Thank you so much for this! I actually had tears in my eyes whil reading your post! I’m also 12 weeks pregnant and have a almost 3 year old little boy…so I’m right there with you. It’s great to know we are all not alone!

  • Reply
    Laura @ Laura's Crafty Life
    January 18, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    I had really rough pregnancies both times. I lost so much weight with each baby from throwing up and being nauseous, it was scary! It was especially hard with baby number 2 because child number 1 needed me! I am sure you have probably already talked to your doctor about it, but Zofran helped me a lot. I know it doesn’t work for everyone, but I was at least able to function. And they have a generic version of it now that is much cheaper. Good luck, and hang in there! It will all be okay! πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    I feel your pain! I was SO SO sick while pregnant with Olivia. While the thought of another child is in the back of my mind I think about that “mama guilt” you are talking about because I am assuming that I will be just as sick.

    You are right, this will ALL be worth it and I doubt your little babe will even remember this time.

    That is so cute that he told you you will be alright. You have raised a very caring little boy! Sounds like he will be a big helper when the new baby arrives πŸ™‚ I hope you feel better VERY soon!! πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Although I feel so sad for you, I have to say this is a beautifully written post! I hope that this discomfort subsides for you quickly and that you can enjoy the second half of your pregnancy! Wishing you the best and sending prayers your way!


  • Reply
    January 18, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    You can do it. Don’t get me wrong, I really know how you feel. I delivered my sweet daughter 3 months ago (3 months ago today actually). For the first 6 months I was tired all the time and nothing could help, all I could do was nap. My 3 year old would wake me up, I’d get her breakfast then lay down to sleep. She would wake me up a little later to turn on a movie or tv and I would shower. I finished my shower and would get ready just enough to be presentable then pass out on the couch I was so exhausted. On and on my day would go like that.
    I constantly felt (feel) guilty about it, my 3 year old knows what comes up next on tv. Not only that, she would ask me ‘mommy, are you sick?’ How could I justify that to myself and kid? I would watch as my sisters in law are teaching their kids all sorts of things.
    It got better. I was diagnosed with mono (seriously mono) and eventually my body fought it off and I felt great. This little baby was born in October and she is so perfect. So happy, sweet, easy going, good sleeper I can’t remember our life without her. I told my hubby and family I couldn’t do it again, it wasn’t worth it. Now I see my baby girl smile at my older daughter and myself and would do it again in a second.
    Hang in there, you can do it.

  • Reply
    emily anderson
    January 18, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    oh sweet friend. hang in there.
    and remember there is an end. and all this crappy puking will be worth it.

    i hated when people told me that, but they were so right.

    praying that it miraculously ends soon!

  • Reply
    January 19, 2012 at 12:05 am

    Thank you for this! It’s just what I needed today. Growing a person is much harder than I’d ever expected.

  • Reply
    Audrey Crisp
    January 19, 2012 at 12:38 am

    UGH! I’m so sorry. I hope this goes away asap! You are such a great mom!

  • Reply
    January 19, 2012 at 1:36 am

    I read earlier this year how awful your vomiting is when you are preggo…SO sorry! Have you tried acupressure? Last week I saw these bands on Good Morning America for the treatment of nausea for morning sickness and motion sickness. I bought some {I have TERRIBLE motion sickness and am TTC}. Haven’t tried them out yet so I can’t tell you how well they work, but they are cheap enough to try, even if they just give you a little relief. Here’s the link…

    Hope you start to feel better!

  • Reply
    January 19, 2012 at 1:36 am

    Oh Ashley, thank you so much for this post. My first pregnancy was just like that. My hubby and I are ready to start trying for a second baby but I am so terrified of being so sick and having to watch my little guy. Thank you for your words. You’re right, it is okay.

  • Reply
    Susan J
    January 19, 2012 at 1:43 am

    Have you tried essential oils? Peppermint EO can work wonders for nausea, and it is natural and safe. Just a thought! Good luck to you!

  • Reply
    January 19, 2012 at 2:33 am

    Wow, with all of these friends praying for you, you’ve got to feel better. When I was pregant (many, many, many) years ago…I always had a pack of salty crackers on my nite stand and before I even lifted my head from the pillow I would eat a cracker. It seemed to help. God bless, this too shall pass. God Bless.

  • Reply
    Kelly Ruiten
    January 19, 2012 at 5:19 am

    Hi Ashley, I enjoy your blog so much, you are a wonderful story teller! I have missed seeing your posts, and was so sad to hear how sick you have been with your little one on the way. I will be praying for you, that you feel like yourself soon and that you can start enjoying your pregnancy. You are a wonderful mother, your little guy is so lucky to have you as his mom. Hang in there, try not to worry too much, it will all be okay in the end! God bless you.

  • Reply
    January 19, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Nice to hear from you. Keep taking care of yourself so that one day we can all have your updates more often again. We’ve all been in similar places and will be praying for you! Can’t wait to find out when your lil’ one arrives (in a few months:)

  • Reply
    karla @ bluegrass jewelry designs
    January 19, 2012 at 6:25 am

    I know exactly how you feel. I am also nearly 15 weeks and have spent the last couple of months on the couch or hunched over the toliet. Mommy guilt is something I struggle with on a daily basis. We just have to hang in there and remember that come July it will all be worth it. : )

  • Reply
    Aryn @ LivingonaDimeorless
    January 19, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Awww. . .I hope you feel better soon, Momma! Pregnancy really can be a beast sometimes. . .and it’s amazing how we forget all about those low times when we hold that sweet little bundle in our arms at the very end of it. But, in the meantime, don’t let that Mommy Guilt take up permanent residence in your life. You’re a great Mommy!!

  • Reply
    January 19, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    I’m glad that you’re accepting the fact that you can’t help how sick you feel. I’m not even sick and the laundry and dirt is piling up at my house because I just don’t feel like doing it. It can wait.

    I truly hope your sickness passes soon. If it doesn’t, at least you know it’ll all be worth itit once your beautiful baby is here. Hang in there!

  • Reply
    January 19, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    I have missed you posts!! No pressure ; ) -LOL. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. Thank you for the reminder…. yet again.



  • Reply
    Life with Kaishon
    January 20, 2012 at 12:50 am

    I hope you feel better soon. I am praying for you right now.

  • Reply
    ana {bluebirdkisses}
    January 20, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    it will pass, you will feel better, forget the nausea and the migrane the second you lay eyes on your beautiful little dude or dudette…and be ready to do it all over again in a year or two….that’s what makes us moms, well…moms I guess πŸ˜€

    sending you lots of well wishes, oh and try fresh squeezed lemonade {as long as heartburn isn’t a factor} a glass of fresh lemonade and a walk in fresh air always made me feel better than being in the house. I was sick for 20weeks so I totally get it

  • Reply
    Leigh Anne
    January 20, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Been thinking of you! Thanks for the update. So sorry you are soooo sick!! Your post was wonderful as always and helps keep it in perspective. Hang in there, girl! You will have a beautiful baby to show for it soon πŸ™‚ ((((HUGS))))

  • Reply
    January 20, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Just found your blog–and so glad I did! I am 24 weeks pregnant today (with #1). I was SO so sick for about the first 18 weeks. It was horrid. I had a serious kidney infection right before I got pregnant and was on a ton of antibiotics for that, then found out I was pregnant, but STILL had the infection so have been on lots of meds plus the morning sickness. I lost 10 lbs in the first 6 weeks! Took me until 20 weeks to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight! I was in the ER 3 times with IVs because the nausea/vomiting was so bad. Nothing worked–and like you, I tried everything. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarium, took Zofran religiously, tried Preggie Pops, used the wrist bands, drank ginger tea. Finally once I got on a lower dose med for the infection the nausea calmed down a bit. I cannot imagine having to do that with a toddler in the house! πŸ™ Hang in there! Hope you are feeling better soon!

  • Reply
    January 21, 2012 at 3:00 am

    Zofran girl! I had three babies (all boys) and sick as a dog ..with this magic pill I was able to function and tend to my other kidos! Goodluck!

  • Reply
    Amanda @ Raising Miss Mommy
    January 21, 2012 at 6:55 am

    I hope you are feeling better very soon! When your new little bundle of joy arrives you won’t even remember these sick days, they are worth it πŸ™‚ I read this post quick yesterday before my yoga class and in class we have a time where we can send strength and energy to someone and I sent it your way! Lots of prayers and love for you and your family and your soon to be little blessing!


  • Reply
    January 22, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    The sick part sucks. And I definitely understand the mommy guilt while preggo with kid #2. My daughter would always try to accompany me on my trips to the toilet, while I’d be shoving her out. One time it was too much for her little stomach…let’s just say, it wasn’t pretty!

  • Reply
    January 23, 2012 at 2:25 am

    oh my goodness I am right there with you. I’m 10 weeks with #2 and I too am visiting the toilet 6-12 times a day! I’m surrounded with other pregnant people who don’t even feel sick so it’s good to know there’s someone else out there going through the same thing! thanks for sharing Ashley!

  • Reply
    Ashley Meyer
    January 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    So glad you posted! missed your post!! I hope the pregnancy gets easier!!! Lots of prayers!

  • Reply
    January 24, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    I just love your blog and wanted to let you know that I am so happy you updated! πŸ™‚

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    danyiel Johnson
    January 25, 2012 at 3:05 am

    Hope you are hanging in there. Hopefully the IV helped and you feel like a new person.

  • Reply
    January 27, 2012 at 5:54 am

    So happy to finally see an update from you. Sorry to hear your pregnancy has been so rough. Hang in there. It’ll get better. It’ll be worth it when baby arrives!

  • Reply
    Jennifer Dawn
    January 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    Love your heart! As my momma always tells me…”This too shall pass.”

    The first time you stare into that precious little one’s sweet face…all of this will be forgotten.

  • Reply
    Mary Christy
    January 30, 2012 at 5:13 am

    So well said. I was never the glowing pregnant woman, rather the one just trying to survive, knowing that the end result would be well worth it. My oldest, who was 3 when his little brother was born has no memory of that time, thank goodness! I did my best and a lot of days my best was just trying to get through the day. A very supportive friend put it in perspective like you did and it was so comforting. Thank you for being that comfort to so many pregnant moms that are probably feeling the same way.

  • Reply
    Jenny Browning
    January 31, 2012 at 6:26 am

    I miss your posts! I visit everyday and miss you! Is that just sad and pathetic that I feel like I am not getting my Ashley fill for the day?!!!
    Can’t wait for the next post and to hear about more of what is going on in your pregnancy! Hope you are starting to feel better!

  • Reply
    January 31, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Miss you Ashley. I’ve been thinking about you. I hope your pregnancy is getting easier for you. It will soon be over and you will be holding your little bundle of joy.

  • Reply
    Jenn Mitchell
    February 1, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    You made me cry!!! I was in your shoes a very short time ago- I just had my second little boy Dylan James who is now 3.5 months old. It will get easier! Promise! Hang in there.
    This. too. shall. pass. Much love!

  • Reply
    February 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    I so agree with ‘Let it Be’. I have a 5 month old and a part-time job, while my hubby is in law school. Every day seems to get a little easier.

  • Reply
    February 2, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Hello, I am new to your blog and have been reading the different things. In one of your posts you talked about your first blogging conference. I was just curious what your first blogging conference was. Maybe I missed it somewhere, :o)

  • Reply
    Gaye Brownie
    February 6, 2012 at 2:36 am

    Hi, I just stumbled across your blog. I have enjoyed reading it and the comments.
    My niece is pregnant with her first baby, and due the end of August. She too is riding the porcelain bus.
    I am the mother of two. My son is 32 today and my daughter will soon be 29. She lives with me and has 2 children, 5 1/2 & 8.
    I remember like it was yesterday being so tired I could hardly move. This was a bit easier when I was pregnant with my son because I could sleep when I needed to. When I was pregnant with my daughter I would lie on the floor while my son played. Once in a while I would wave one of his toys around and make some comment. He thought I was playing with him. I was just trying to survive. In the afternoon he would get in bed and watch Scooby Doo while I slept with one ear open. It all works out. Children are such a joy. Best wish with your pregnancy. I hope you are feeling better soon.

  • Reply
    The frozen fairy
    February 6, 2012 at 10:44 am

    We miss you!!! Please update the blog… πŸ˜‰

  • Reply
    February 9, 2012 at 2:39 am

    Bless your heart! I have been there!!! Hope you’re feeling better!

  • Reply
    Cherish Nyboer
    February 10, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    I am praying for you Ashley! God loves you and your family.

  • Reply
    Rebecca @ My Girlish Whims
    February 13, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    So sad that you feel so icky!! Thinking of you πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    February 14, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    I hope the morning sickness ends soon. Having hyperemesis through my entire pregnancy-three times!!!-I know how awful it can be!

  • Reply
    February 14, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    We miss you Ashley! I just started following your blog about two months ago and since you need your rest, I backtracked and read all your past posts! I just finished and I feel like I really know you. Well maybe not REALLY KNOW YOU, but sort of. πŸ™‚ Now that I don’t have anything more to read, we really miss you! Sure hope you feel better soon. Praying for you and your little peanut. Congratulations!

  • Reply
    February 16, 2012 at 4:26 am

    This is just beautiful, Ashley! And I really needed to read it today. Hang in there!

  • Reply
    February 17, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Hey Ashley!
    I hope you are starting to feel better, my husband and I are praying for your healing.
    Miss all your updates, hope you make a comeback soon!
    Much love!

  • Reply
    February 20, 2012 at 11:12 pm

    Hi Ashley,
    Wow, I just literally stumbled onto your blog today and spent almost two hours reading EVERYTHING! I then called my daughters and said, “check out this blog!” One of my daughters, Ashley, is also preggo and sick right now. She will be glad to see that misery loves company! Hope you feel better soon, as a mother of 6 I feel your pain, spent many many months with my head in the toilet. Worth it tho, as you know. Again, thanks for sharing your life and talents with the rest of us!
    Sue Hayden

  • Reply
    February 21, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    Wow…you made me cry. I am 7 months pregnant with my second (my daughter is 2 1/2) and I have been going through the same exact “Mommy Guilt”, and it truly is reassuring to know that someone out there is going through what I am going through–it’s like you know that you only have a limited time left with just your one so you want to take advantage of it but you physically can’t. But it sounds like your Little W is a wonderful little boy, what a sweet kid….I wish you the best of luck with everything, and I hope your morning sickness clears up ASAP!

  • Reply
    February 23, 2012 at 6:02 am

    OHhhhhh my gosh, sweet lady, I soooo hope you feel better soon. That is the worst feeling! And you are so right about Mommy guilt. Why do we feel guilty all the time. I feel that guilt a lot. Thank you for reminding me that I can, and should, let it go. At least sometimes. And I’m not preggers but I have 3 little girls and we could all learn from it! Sending you good, healing vibes!!

  • Reply
    February 11, 2015 at 1:53 am

    Hi Ashley –
    I’m new to your blog and while exploring around and reading some posts I realized that your pregnancies sound exactly like mine. I had HG with my son, who just turned 3, and was in complete misery nearly the entire time. My husband and I really want another baby but I’m terrified… reading this post was so helpful because you GET it. Everything you wrote is exactly how I feel and what I fear. It makes me feel so much better to know that families have indeed gotten through it and in the end it is all worth it. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Reply
    March 24, 2020 at 2:14 pm

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