{get caught up on Secret Week here}
Nichelle’s Secret:
January 4th of this year, I was in a sledding accident.
I broke 3 bones in my back, 8 ribs, dislocated my hip and punctured/deflated/bruised one of my lungs.
I should’ve died, I should’ve been paralyzed, but I wasn’t.
I actually was really grateful for this,
The injury was a nice distraction from other things in my life that had hurt me.
Don’t get me wrong, I was sad to be bed ridden, and have to miss a semester of college, and wasn’t looking forward to the long road of recovery,
but I was grateful to have this to focus on instead of getting over my fiance who cheated on me, stole money from me and left me.
I was grateful to focus on something other than my mental recovery from sexual abuse from my childhood that I had just been confronted about.
Having a positive attitude,
and getting over these physical barriers,
this, THIS I could handle.
But then,
another twist to the story…
I had to go in to have surgery on my hip.
During surgery they accidentally cut my sciatic nerve,
leaving the bottom half of my left leg paralyzed.
Yep, you read that right, after escaping death and dodging becoming paralyzed, a surgical mistake left me with that fate, not the tree I crashed into.
At first it was really hard to handle, but I have so much support it’s insane.
I didn’t know that this many people knew me, let alone cared.
For the first couple months, I had so many visitors and so much support–it was amazing, and inspiring.
I felt like I could conquer the world, and I slowly started adjusting to my new life.
One day, I woke up and I was sick of using crutches, so I started using a cane. Then, I was sick of that, so I wobbled without it. Then, I got my brace, which makes it so you can hardly tell. I can’t wear it all the time, but most people can’t tell that anything is wrong with me. I got off my butt, I worked hard, and I started conquering my obstacle!
My secret is,
now that the initial shock is over,
and I have less support,
I am broken down.
Even though, I’m a paralyzed person who can walk,
I still feel inadequate.
Everyone else’s life has moved on,
and mine is still stuck in this physically,
emotionally,
spiritually
painful time in my life.
I miss riding my bike.
I miss running up the stairs.
I miss wiggling my toes.
No one thinks this is hard anymore
because of how much I can do now.
But the truth is, it’s harder now than it was during all my surgeries.
It’s harder now then when I was in severe pain.
It’s harder now, because I’m feel all alone.
It’s harder now, because people say how proud they are me,
and I only see how much farther I have to go.
I’m glad I’ve been able to have a positive attitude.
I’m glad my circumstance has helped some other people.
I’m glad I can walk.
I’m glad those who this effected, especially my close friends and family, aren’t as scared anymore and can see my life is improving and almost normal again.
I’m glad I’m alive.
But sometimes I just want someone to hold me while I cry and say, “This really sucks, doesn’t it?”
My secret is, I’m not as strong as everyone perceives me to be.
-Nichelle
Let’s show Nichelle some love
{in the comments section}, shall we!
You can grab your very own Secret Series Button on the right sidebar:
Simply copy the code, then got to “add a gadget” in your blogger dashboard, then add “html”, then paste the code, then click “save” {that’s it}!
TOMORROW, we will conclude this portion of the Secret Series with a link up party–where I will encourage YOU to link up a post with your secret {no matter how big or small–serious or silly}.
For ALL those of you who have sent me your secrets,
You are oh-so-brave and you have my utmost respect!
I literally received over 50 secrets, and only had the opportunity to post a handful.
I want to thank you for your courage and your strength.
You are such remarkable women and your story deserves to be shared with the world.
I encourage you to post your story in tomorrows link party,
however, I completely understand if many of you will want to remain anonymous.
I will post a few more secrets tomorrow, so stay tuned.
Thanks for your support of this series and of one another!
We are NOT alone!
love,
ashley
2 Comments
Linzeh
January 1, 2011 at 5:09 pmNichelle.
If I were near you, I would give you a big ole hug.
I know you don't know me very well, but…Remember, I'm here (on Facebook, anyway) if you ever need to talk or anything.
<3
Fiona
November 5, 2013 at 6:10 pmI feel your pain. I was in a horrible car accident in January of this year. I couldn’t walk more than a few steps or breathe without being dizzy with pain for two months, I couldn’t dress myself for two and a half months, and I couldn’t wash my own hair for 3 months. I almost failed several classes that semester. Nine months down the road, I can walk and breathe and dress myself, but I feel more depressed than ever. I’m left with massive amounts of soft-tissue damage and muscle atrophy in my left shoulder and the left sides of my back and neck. I just can’t enjoy life the way I could. I miss bending over to tie my shoes. I miss being comfortable sleeping in my own bed. I miss being able to drive a car without panic attacks. I miss having the strength in my left arm to hold my phone up while I text. Nobody would understand if I told them. I should be dead, and I’m so grateful I’m not. But every day still hurts so much. I really want someone to hold me while I cry, too. But my accident happened during my freshman year of college in a state halfway across the country from home, and took all of my friend-making time away from me. :/