It’s Okay to Be Sad

1-Boys Fall 2013 Selection1-photo 2 copy
Do you ever have one of those days where you’re completely overwhelmed with worry for your children and your heart just needs a really good, long, hard cry?

Often times there has been no particular catalyst for these bubbling emotions. It’s just another day. But for some reason, THIS day is the day that it becomes necessary for those emotions to manifest.

You’re worried about their school.
And their friendships.
And their temperament.
And their feelings.
And their happiness…

Then before you know it, you’re all consumed with anxious hope and love…
And tears fill your eyes and a lump forms in your throat as you wrap your arms around their tiny little body and squeeze extra tight while whispering words of affirmation into their ear.

Me: Mommy is so so so proud of you. You know that, right?
Me: You are such a good boy. And such a good friend. And you are so smart. Thank you for trying so hard.
Me: You make mommy the happiest mommy in the whole wide world. You know that too, right?

The tears will start to fall at this point. And I’ll wipe them away with my sleeve, pulling him in closer so he can’t see my eyes. I just want so badly for him to always believe these truths I’m whispering to him.

Me: You can be anything you want to be. I promise.

Then I’ll ask him to squeeze me a little tighter before I kiss the top of his head and send him on his way.

Today was one of those days.
I ended the evening feeling a bit heart broken and defeated–still emotional.
And I’m not really sure why.
I only know that this is part of the deal–part of motherhood.
The all-consuming love that often manifests as all-consuming anxiety.

And while I’m the first to pin all those fabulously inspiring quotes about “not letting fear cast a shadow over my life” and to “always be positive”, I also think that sometimes it’s healthy to just sit and feel.  Even if those feelings are yucky.  And scary. And sad.

Sometimes it’s nice to give yourself a good ol’ fashioned cry session–without any strings attached.  And by strings, I mean the guilt we sometimes feel when we’re sad. The guilt that whispers “look at all you have, how dare you be sad right now..snap out of it“.

You know what I say?
I say we tell guilt to take a hike.
Let’s tell guilt that its human nature to be sad sometimes.
And maybe today that’s what I’m gonna be. Sad.

And then tomorrow I can wake up and get back to kicking butt at life with a positive attitude.
So here’s to sad days.

And here’s to happy faces:
wesley smile

happysawyerwesley leafsawyer16months
And because any time I need a good chuckle and a big smile, I always go to these pictures:

wesleyjumping1wesley jumping 6wesley jumping 4 wesley jumping 3 wesley jumping 2We played this “super wesley” game for over an hour. And laughed hysterically after we looked at each picture.  He would climb to the top of the light post and then jump off while I captured the photo. Then he would run over giggling uncontrollably, show me the picture mommy, show me!

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  • Reply
    Lucy at Dear Beautiful
    January 25, 2014 at 6:35 pm

    It is most definitely okay to be sad. I think I learned pretty early on in this motherhood thing, that those anxious days just help to balance out all the happy, positive, ‘how-did-I-get-so-lucky’ days. It just all becomes a bit much to look on the bright side all the time, especially when it concerns your children and you want that bright side so much for them.
    Beautiful post. And it really made me smile this morning. Not that you were havig a sad day, but that I’m not alone in having those days when I just get emotional in wishing the very best for my little people! x

  • Reply
    January 25, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    I know how you feel. I’ll see a news article or story on TV about a child that was severely injured (beaten, left in hot car, passed away from a horrible disease, any of those horror stories) and will instantly feel the need to hug my little guy close. Sometimes I feel so lucky that my little one is healthy and happy that it overwhelms me with gratitude. I just have to hold him and feel that nearness.

    I truly think that moms have a completely different bond with their children. Every once in a while I just have to hold him, snuggle, and be as close as possible. It’s like my body and soul need it. I don’t know if it’s because I carried him for 10 months or what… But I just have to have my ‘nuggles with him every few days to feel all right.

  • Reply
    Danielle Warren
    January 26, 2014 at 4:35 am

    This post couldn’t have come at a perfect time. I’m suffering from baby blues, bad. I’m been feeling it coming the last few days. But I’ve been playing pretend, pretending that nothing’s wrong & that I’m as happy as can be. I couldn’t hide it anymore today. Today I’m losing it. I just need to take a long hit shower & cry lol Thank you for showing me that it’s okay to be sad every once in a while!

  • Reply
    January 26, 2014 at 6:01 am

    yes, yes. It happened this week actually… and last week. This month has been pretty bad for ugly crying in my neck of the woods. haha! I’ve got baby blues just like ^^. It makes it especially hard when everyone around you had a baby or they are announcing their new baby. Of course I’m happy for them, but inside it just hurts. Thanks so much Ashley! (:

  • Reply
    January 26, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    true and honest and beautiful words! thank for sharing your heart! i have twin daughters that are 24, an 18-year-old daughter, a 10-year-old son, and a 2-year-old granddaughter. i feel your exact feelings and sometimes just sit on my bed and cry. thank you for encouraging me that’s okay!

  • Reply
    January 26, 2014 at 10:08 pm

    This is a seriously awesome post. Thank you!

  • Reply
    Heather @ Mix of 6
    January 27, 2014 at 1:44 am

    I’ve had many of those days! Sometimes, the body just needs to feel emotion and cry.
    Love all the pictures.

  • Reply
    January 27, 2014 at 7:22 am

    Thank you for posting this Ashley! While I am not yet a Momma today was my first day serving in Primary in a new ward. I had a horrible day and ended up leaving sharing time to hide in the bathroom and cry. Thank you for this post- it made me feel so much better and not so alone.

  • Reply
    Newlyweds on a Budget
    January 28, 2014 at 2:52 am

    I’m not a mom yet, but I hope to be one day, and I can tell you that I already have days like this. Where I just cry for like 30 minutes, sobbing, because I feel so blessed in my life and my biggest fear is something happening to the people I love most. Thanks for making me feel normal and letting me know I’m not the only one! I had no idea others did the same

  • Reply
    January 30, 2014 at 1:45 am

    I love this post… Because it is so true. Sometimes I feel like all I do is worry about what kind of world my babe will have to encounter… I feel for you! But I suppose our parents probably worried about the same things for us, right?

  • Reply
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