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Little Miss Momma

grow

In Hindsight

August 20, 2011

{c/o KD Photography}

I try to be the kind of person who is as positive as possible.
I try to focus on looking forward, rather than dwelling on the past.
I try to tell myself things happen for a reason,
and if I had it to do all over again,
I wouldn’t change a thing.

But I also like to be realistic.
And the reality is,
if I could go back,
to the day I brought Baby W home from the hospital,
(or probably even back to when I was pregnant)
there is so much I would do differently as a parent.

It’s easy to think about all that we would change, in hindsight.
But its another thing entirely to admit it out loud.
Almost as if admittance would serve as some sort of confession to failure.

Like if I were to admit that in hindsight I wish I would have made Lil W’s baby food myself,
or been more strict with his bottle habit, or been more involved in play groups and Mommy & Me’s when he was younger…
If I admitted these things out loud,
I would also be pointing out my shortcomings,
my weaknesses as a Momma.

But that’s what we do.
Spend our days (and nights) thinking about the areas where we fall short,
thinking about the ways we are certainly failing our children.
And you know what?
I thinks that’s part of what makes us good Mom’s.
At least that’s what I tell myself anyway.

We care.
Which means we worry, we over think, and we doubt ourselves.

We survive on 4 hours of sleep if it means making sure they get a good nights rest.
We cut our shower time and frequency in half.
We make four different dinners in an attempt to get them to eat something.

And then we worry.
That they’re not eating enough, sleeping soundly enough, talking enough, interacting enough.
Because when you’re a Momma, nothing is ever enough.
We feel like we should always be doing more.
And while this pressure that we put on ourselves is part of what makes us great,
it’s also what holds us back…
And I wish I could fix that,
for you and for me.

Because in hindsight,
I could have given Baby W so much more,
if only I had known then what I know now.
And I wish I didn’t see it this way.
I wish I could just give myself a pat on the back and say,
You’re rockin it Momma, don’t sweat the small stuff.
Becasue I know that it’s the truth, I just wish I felt it.

We Momma’s deserve to feel like we’re doing a good job,
don’t ya think?

***Pssst, have you read this post yet? and entered this giveaway?***

45 Comments
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Ashley Stock

I'm Ashley. Sometimes I craft, occasionally I cook, everyday I write, and I'm always Momma. This is my blog. I keep it real while still seeing the rainbows and butterflies in all of life's lessons.

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  • rachel
    August 20, 2011

    Wow that was so lovely to read, my lil boy turns 1 in a week and a half and I’ve only been thinking last night how I wish id done things differently or better for him. But I should be grateful he is such a happy lovely healthy boy, maybe so far I’m doing alright lol!
    Thank u for posting such a lovely post 🙂

    Reply
  • Em @ And Nothing Else Matters
    August 20, 2011

    It’s all part of being a parent, you evolve over time with the benefit of past experience. With my first there was so so many things I wanted to change with hindsight. Bottle dependency to fall asleep, dummy dependency, not enough interactions with kids her own age, not enough activities etc so many things.

    And you know what, I DID do all those things differently with my second. And it felt great because I had taken my past experience and used it to do better. You can’t go back but you can learn for next time.

    But remember you are doing an awesome job and I will happily pat you on the back.

    Em xo

    Em xo

    Reply
  • armcandyforyou
    August 20, 2011

    hey ashley
    I have not been commenting past few days,somehow not having a good time:(
    but this post made me write…………….I have done all that which you wish you had,cooked my kids fresh food EVERY single time,that is every 2 hours,with a full time job,used to drive back to cook something fresh,hand it over to the nanny & drive back to office!………………& still used to fret that I am not a good enough mom……………I was like a zombie with barely 3-4 hrs of sleep & I didn’t want to compromise anywhere in the care of my children………………did all this alone,my hubby was on a UN mission to Africa ………we do our best & still doubt ourselves,pat of being a mom!………….you are doing a great job & that shines through the smile on baby W’s face:)
    just wanted to say i understand where you are coming from but you are a wonderful mom,never doubt that!

    Reply
  • Angela
    August 20, 2011

    It’s funny, I have a 12 year old & I’ve always said the exact things you have. About a year ago I (shockingly) got pregnant again and now have a 1 year old. I did all the things differently with him that I said I would if I could go back. Still now @ 1 there are a ton of thing I would do differently with him if I could go back. It’s human nature I think (as good mom’s) to NEVER be content with how we raise our children. We question ourselves out of love for them. As parent’s though I feel our biggest role is to instill morals and offer love. The rest we just have to pray about!
    Hope you have a fantastic weekend!!!!

    Reply
  • Angie
    August 20, 2011

    What a great and honest post…such a much needed read for me! I just rocked my 2 yr. old back to sleep, he just wouldn’t do it on his own, I couldn’t stand hearing him cry! I know he just wanted us or maybe he didnt feel well, it’s all a guessing game sometimes, and it’s a constant battle to try to be the best mommy! It’s a tough job, so hard to see the results or know that we are truly doing our best. But everyone’s best is different. It’s so nice to read other mommy’s posts too because the reality is, we are all feeling the same, always feeling like we could do better. Thank you taking the time to write that. Angie

    Reply
  • heather
    August 20, 2011

    I so relate with this post…questioning everything. But I think your right…that’s what makes us good mommas. Love this post..:)

    Reply
  • M.O.T.B
    August 20, 2011

    It’s funny because you spoke to anyone who has ever been a Momma. Universally your post brings millions of Mommas together with these few words. That is awesome. I learn and regret so much every single day. And at the end of the day when I put them to sleep I almost always feel guilty and I wish I didn’t. I wish I never yelled or lost my cool. I wish I always had fun games and crafts planned. I wish I always made healthy meals and they ate them. And the list goes on and on… And on and on…

    Reply
  • Amanda M.
    August 20, 2011

    Awesome post. I feel like this all.the.time. The pictures are beautiful. 🙂

    Reply
  • ilene
    August 20, 2011

    your photos are beautiful! also your honesty is always so inspiring. 🙂

    Reply
  • Shannon
    August 20, 2011

    I feel the same. There are so many times that I look back and think about what I would have done differently so far, small things, big things, tons of things. I realize though that maybe that would change where we are at right now, and I love where we are at right now so I suppose I love even the things I wish I had done differently. For what its worth just by reading your blog I can tell you are an amazing momma. That is really all that matters anyway. Love this entry!

    Reply
  • Katie
    August 20, 2011

    You know what, you ARE rocking it Momma!

    We all need to hear that every once in a while.

    Reply
  • ana {bluebirdkisses}
    August 20, 2011

    Yes very true! I have been obsessing over the fact that I didn’t cloth diaper babyJ. I had every intention to {bought the supplies etc..} but then I had to go back to work at 4wks {since I am self-employed} and got lazy and just didn’t do it. It makes me sad and almost feel like a failure in a way…and I know that I shouldn’t but that’s how it goes I guess.

    http://www.bluebirdkisses.com

    Reply
  • Chris
    August 20, 2011

    Please try to think of it this way … if you project insecurity in your parenting, any kid worth their weight in dirty diapers will sense it. This is bad for your future. Do what you think is best, learn from your mistakes and then as Tim Gunn would say, “Carry on.” You’ll know this is right when they grow to double digits (particularly the terrible teens which put the terrible twos to shame) and ;you have to continue the illusion that you’re still in charge. They must believe it or all bets are off.

    Reply
  • Hannah
    August 20, 2011

    That ability to look back and analyze what happend and how you can improve next time is EXACTLY what makes you a good mother! The good news is, if you’re doing everything to the best of your abilities, Heavenly Father will make up the rest, I’m sure. Plus with baby # 2, 3, 4, 5, etc, you get to try it again!

    Reply
  • Amber
    August 20, 2011

    so so true 🙂

    Reply
  • Kristina
    August 20, 2011

    Thanks, as always. 🙂

    ~Kristina

    Reply
  • Kensley
    August 20, 2011

    Here’s me, giving you a pat on the back, good job LMM, You’re doing a GREAT job! If I’m half the momma you are one day I’ll be proud! Love your blog, love lil’ W. You are only human, girl!

    Jimandkensley.blogspot.com

    Kensley

    Reply
  • Heather
    August 20, 2011

    This is was a beautiful post. I’m a brand new mommy to an amazing little boy and I’m already questioning what I do. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one and we’re all doing the best we can. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post.

    Reply
  • Megan @ Meg's Craft Creations
    August 20, 2011

    Thank you for the wonderfully honest post Ashley! I am not a momma yet but even now, in my life I can look back and think “man, I wish I had done this instead of that…” and on and on. But then I think about everything that those “I wish’s” have taught me and I wouldn’t want to trade them for the world! Someday when I am a mom, I want to be able to do my best with the first just like you have with Baby W and learn from those imperfections as well. Thank you for the encouragement!

    Megan

    Reply
  • Lindsay
    August 20, 2011

    The fact that you even stop to think about it, let alone worry about it makes you a good mom. An awesome mom. We all do what feels right – at the time. There are no real manuals, no kid is cookie cutter and alike. Its those moments, those experiences that will help you grow as a Momma and Baby W grow as a person. We Mommas need not to be so hard on ourselves. I know, I know easier said than done.

    Ive been a follower for sometime now, I may not know you personally but for what it is worth Ash (can I call you that?) I think you are a great Mom. Store those thought away and put them to use next time. Hugs.

    Reply
  • Lindsay
    August 20, 2011

    Oh and I love the pictures!! 🙂

    Reply
  • Jackie
    August 20, 2011

    I have three children, there isn’t anything I would do different or change. God gave me these babies to raise because he trusted me. I do everything for them with my heart full of love and devotion. The doubting and second guessing does nothing but upset the Mommies. Don’t doubt. Don’t second guess. Do with love!!! It’s more than enough!

    Reply
  • Jessica
    August 20, 2011

    how wonderful and honest. i think that every mommy can relate to this post. i know i certainly can!

    Reply
  • Beth
    August 20, 2011

    I think all of us Mommas do this to ourselves. I know that I make mistakes every single day. Everynight I pray for more strength, patience and wisdom of course. I wake up and try to do better and not make those same mistakes. It’s what makes you a great mother because we all make mistakes we’re human. xoxo

    Reply
  • lindsey k
    August 20, 2011

    I am so glad I am not the only momma that feels that way! As my little mess’ 2 Birthday quickly approaches I am constantly finding myself thinking some of the same What If’s!

    You are doing an awesome job as a momma and a Role Model to me for sure!

    Reply
  • Jennifer Yaniz-Torrel
    August 21, 2011

    I love this post. Made me very teary eyed.! and I do feel the same.. Especially the baby food thing 🙂
    You’re doing an awesome job Ashley. keep it up.

    Reply
  • Andi
    August 21, 2011

    It’s so nice to see that there are so many of us out there that feel the same. One of my 6 is already in college and I think back and say …dang if only I had done this…or if I hadn’t done that…not so much as when they were young as when they are teens and about to leave the nest I still doubt. But truth be told she is an amazing adult. I wonder sometimes if it has less to do with me than I think. Our kids grow up amazing “despite” our shortcomings because if we do it right then they will learn from our faults right along side us….love this post…thanks so much for sharing it!

    Reply
  • Kristen
    August 21, 2011

    Hi

    Reply
  • Kristen
    August 21, 2011

    Hi Ashley,
    My phone bumped me out of my previous comment. Sorry! I just wanted to say that hindsight is a wonderful thing but so are YOU!! Baby W knows that even more than all of us. Just go with your heart, be yourself and he could not need or want anything better!
    Thanks so much for stopping by my new yet rough blog. When I woke up this AM and saw your comment it was like Santa had left a present under the tree! You are the sweetest!
    Kristen

    Reply
  • Melissa S., SoChick!
    August 21, 2011

    Just found your blog and love it!

    I have two daughters, one 8 and one is 2… I often think “what could I have done?” or “why didn’t I?”… but at the end of the day, I’m not perfect… and my girls really don’t care, ‘cuz i’m the greatest Mommy in the world…. P.s. they’ve told me so. *wink*

    ~Melissa

    Reply
  • Ashley
    August 21, 2011

    Oh, Ashley. This has been a daily struggle for me for a long time… I end up spending my days worrying instead of enjoying. Having 2 littles now, I am learning to let go and trying to accept that things aren’t going to be perfect all the time, but I do have the choice to enjoy and cherish every moment. You are amazing momma. Keep it up… you are inspiring us all! xoxo

    Reply
  • Stephanie @ 4eighteen.com
    August 21, 2011

    I’m so glad you wrote this, I’m having the same feelings in the “is she eating enough” and I’m glad to know I’m not the only one.

    Reply
  • Susan
    August 21, 2011

    So true.
    And honestly, you continue to beat yourself up with each new baby…doesn’t get easier.
    We women are so hard on ourselves!
    Lovely pic.

    Reply
  • julianne
    August 22, 2011

    I can relate to everything you said…i wish i did so much better than i do and did. It’s also hard for me not to judge my personal life by other’s outward apperance. and i know that’s bad because i know that they probably have issues in there life that they beat themselves up about just like me.

    Reply
  • Meredith
    August 22, 2011

    I think you’re right – if we didn’t second guess ourselves, we wouldn’t be striving to be better – being the best parent we can.

    … I started out making my baby food with my first, but it just got to be too much work for not enough payoff, and I never looked back. From my experience, you don’t have anything to beat yourself up over! 🙂

    Reply
  • Amanda @ little b
    August 22, 2011

    What a wonderful post! I feel like I can already relate to a lot of the same feelings even though our little one is only four months. I feel like so much has happened in her little life in the past four months than has happened to me in the past four years. I’m learning so much and already looking at things I’ve done and wondering if what I did or how I did it was the best possible way I could have. Just from reading your blog I can tell that you are a wonderful and compassionate momma! Thanks for sharing this post!

    Reply
  • Amber
    August 22, 2011

    Love your post! I am going through some simiular emotions right now in my life, so comforting to know that I am not the only one who wonders would I infact do everything the same way?

    xo Amber

    Reply
  • Alexandra Kabbout
    August 22, 2011

    Great post Ashley!!

    Isnt it amazing that even when we are able to accept that we cannot be Superwoman…we still try to be! Ah the wonders of Motherhood!!

    Reply
  • Meg White
    August 22, 2011

    Ashley.
    Your blog posts are always so beautiful & raw. Your words are like a steaming mug of hot coffee on a rainy day to the soul; thank you. I am not even a mommy, but I know that when I am a mom someday, I will look back to your blog entries & be comforted to know that so many of us women just wrestle on the daily with life, our insecurites, our so called “shortcomings.” I feel just like you- the fact that you are concerned with how you “think” you have failed makes you an AMAZING mom. You should just rest in that truth. Baby W is adorable and in every picture of you two that you post, the love is so evident! It’s a beautiful thing. Thank you for your sunshine ray of a blog!!! 🙂

    Reply
  • Amanda
    August 22, 2011

    Amen and thank you! Just the other night I was talking ot my hubby about how summer is almost over and I feel like I haven’t done any of the things with my little girl that I wanted to/intended to do all summer. It makes me feel like a horrible momma sometimes… okay, all the time. But for me, unexpected life happened and it pushed other plans aside. Thank you for writing what I needed to hear this week!

    Reply
  • Caroline Wang
    August 22, 2011

    Thank you for this encouraging post. 🙂

    Reply
  • Shellsea
    August 22, 2011

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are an amazing mama. I can tell you from personal experience. Baby W has the best mama he could even dream/hope for. You are doing a wonderful job. Don’t doubt yourself.

    -shellsea

    Love, Shellsea Blog – Giveaway today

    Reply
  • rtyecript
    August 25, 2011

    I really liked the article, and the very cool blog

    Reply
  • Lis
    August 25, 2011

    What an absolutely beautiful post. So true!

    I felt so young at 23 when I had mine. Learning to become a new wife and a new mother at the same time–+ so much other drama and stuff going on at the same exact time!!–I look back and just wish I could have done it all so differently.

    Reply
  • HERVE LEGER
    March 28, 2020

    “You can see the techniques of the knit on this style; Bandage Dress one day we will videotape the process of how our pieces are made.

    Reply

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I'm Ashley. Sometimes blogger. Everyday oiler. Cozy homemaker. Milestones. Meltdowns. Life lessons of a momma-in-training.

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