I never would have imagined that my little post about a poopy diaper could have caused so much commotion…
Or stirred up so much emotion within me…
{read this post and the comments section to get up to speed}
Ohhhh, the infamous Anonymous comments–the ones that make your stomach feel like you just went down the biggest drop of a roller coaster (but not in a good way). I know I am not the only one who has received such a comment.
Anonymous comments and I have a funny relationship. They never fail to hurt my feelings; and yet, I still haven’t switched my blogger settings to block them…
Perhaps I’m still pining for the day that an anonymous comment will read something like, “hey LMM, you are super sweet and super rad and a super duper momma and I am too shy to say it to your face so I am posting anonymously”.
But that’s not how anonymous comments go, is it…
Nope, it goes a bit more like this…
It all began shortly after I started my blog in March. I remember it like it was yesterday…it was the day I received my very first ill-spirited anonymous comment.
I was away from the computer at the time, so I received a text of the comment on my phone and I was unable to give the immediate defensive response I was feeling {looking back, it was a blessing that I was so far away from a computer and unable to lash out irrationally}.
After taking the day to think about it, I ultimately decided NOT to respond to the comment, and I went so far as to delete it. A few days later I still felt good about my decision to bite my tongue, but I’ll tell you what–I didn’t feel as good about my decision to delete the comment.
I can’t expect everyone to agree with me and my blog content–or even like me, for that matter. Creating this blog was not so that I could win a popularity contest–it was a way to connect–to find other Mommas-in-training {or Momma veterans, or future Mommas for that matter} who could relate to my experiences, to my stories, to my so-called life lessons.
And on the day that I deleted my first Anonymous comment, I was deleting her point of view from this open forum of Momma experiences.
Since then I have received a handful of other less-than-nice comments without a name attached to them. With each comment, I can feel the frustration mount inside of me. I’m not sure if it’s the comment itself that upsets me so much, or if I’m more upset that I allow these comments to get under my skin in the first place.
I wish I was strong enough to brush off such comments.
To not let them ruin my day.
To be the bigger person.
But I’m NOT.
Which is why today’s anonymous comment pushed me over the edge.
When I opened my computer this morning and read my latest comment, I felt as if I had been punched in the gut. All the air left my stomach and my eyes filled with tears.
You see, today’s comment was different from past comments. Past comments have attacked my tutorials, my giveaways and my crafting skills–but, I felt today’s comment attacked my choices {or lack thereof} as a Momma.
I spent the morning re-living a heartache I was forced to endure nearly a year ago when I made the choice to stop nursing Baby W. And I did what I always do when I become overwhelmed with emotion–I wrote…and wrote…and wrote.
As I typed I vented, I apologized, I agonized, I antagonized…then I put my venting session into a new post in blogger. And just before I clicked POST, my conscious {aka the Spirit} told me otherwise…”save as a draft” and then take a few hours to think it over, the voice in my head said.
In those few hours that I held off on posting I was overwhelmed with the number of you who came to my defense, with the number of you who had shared my experience, with the number of you who were filled with emotion as I was.
But even more overwhelming…more overwhelming than I can put into words…
Ms. Anonymous came forward!
Despite the harsh criticism she knew she would receive, Ms. Anonymous told us her name–and then she shared the true intent of her comment–and her true reason for posting anonymously.
And I was touched.
Where my heart had been bruised earlier in the day, my heart now swelled at the courage of Ms. Anonymous to throw herself under the bus in the name of “un-hurting” my feelings.
While different life experiences will probably never allow Ms. Anonymous and I to see eye to eye on the issue of “breast feeding”, that’s okay–because honesty and courage have allowed us to move forward.
Dear Anonymous Alyx {love the way you spell your name, btw},
I want to thank you for coming forward, for opening up, for standing up for yourself and for ultimately standing up for me. I respect you for your bravery and dignity.
I want you to know that the letter below is not designed to hurt your feelings or be an attack on you. Rather, your comment forced me to reflect on some personal matters that I am ready to share with everyone, as well as give me the courage to address the issue of comment etiquette–and for this I thank you.
You see, it’s an unfortunate reality that nearly EVERY other anonymous commenter does NOT have your courage in coming forward.
So the below letter is written to the real Anonymous commenter’s out there, on behalf of all of us bloggers who wear our hearts on our sleeve, while they carelessly take no regard for our feelings when they check the Anonymous box.
This letter is for them–not you.
Dear Anonymous,
You know who you are.
The one hiding behind the comment you posted for the world to see–the comment that has hurt the feelings of the author of the blog you chose to read.
To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have given the comment a second thought had you not have posted it anonymously–indicating to me that you did not have the courage to stand behind your potentially hurtful words.
And because I am human {and more sensitive than I like to let on}, I will let you know that your words did hurt–as would any comment suggesting I am not being the best momma my baby deserves.
When I read your comment about my apparent lack of regard for the well being of my child by not nursing him, my first reaction was to delete it.
I have purposefully worked hard to ensure that this blog is a safe and welcome retreat from the craziness of everyday life for both myself, and my readers–and your comment did not reflect such an environment.
And then, just before I clicked delete, I thought about the most important reason I joined the blogging world. I created this blog in hopes of finding other Mommas out there who have shared my milestones and meltdowns in motherhood.
And the reality is Ms. Anonymous, your comment hit the nail on the head with one of my most difficult mothering meltdowns–so your words will remain because my readers deserve to see your thoughts.
In response to your “concern”: I did nurse Baby W–for FOUR months, before complications I am not yet ready to share with the blogging world stood in the way of me nursing him any longer. And you want to know what–it was one of the most difficult days of my life.
I cried for days.
I felt like a failure.
And let me tell you, it’s one thing to feel like you have failed yourself–but it’s another thing entirely to feel like you failed you child. It wasn’t until I received the reassuring advice from some very dear friends, that I realized my guilt was stemming from the voiced opinions of those such as yourself.
My baby is healthy. My baby is happy. My baby and hubby are the most important things in my world. And my baby will always know that I did the absolute BEST I could for him–whether that meant breast milk or formula.
So thank you for your concern. And next time, I encourage you to stand behind your words with a name…
Yours Truly,
ashley
Little Miss Momma
