I want to know your secret

I Want to Know YOUR Secret
{see end of post for details}
{and I reveal another “mini” secret}
When I started this blog, it was for one reason more than any other.
To find out if I was the only one…
The only one with feelings that this whole parenting business was a bit more than I had signed up for.
The only one so overwhelmed with love for my new little baby, that it drove me to tears many nights.
The only one who questioned every parenting decision I made since the day he was born.
The only one who gagged at every poopy diaper.
The only one who worried that I was never doing enough.
And although the hubby and I had just added to our family, I felt alone.
Not depressed, just alone.
Like I was the only one who thought this was hard.
The only one who got tired.
The only one who didn’t think motherhood was all rainbows and butterflies.
And thus, LMM {life lessons of a momma-in-training} was born.
I started writing.
Writing about life as a new momma–the ups, the downs, the tantrums, the cuddle sessions, the first giggles, the new baby smell, the late night feedings, the doctor’s visits and everything in between.
And the more I wrote, the more Momma’s I found who were just like me.
Who felt the same as I did.
Who loved their little kiddos more than life itself.
Who would jump in front of a moving vehicle for their babes.
But who also knew Momma-Hood was nothing to be sugarcoated.
You sent me emails, you left comments, you reached out to me…
You made sure I knew I wasn’t alone.
And so, thanks to your support, I got a bit braver,
And I took a risk.
I wrote a post about more than mommy hood.
I wrote a post about ME.
A post sharing my deepest, darkest Secret.
And then I crossed my fingers.
Had I scared you? Would you be freaked out? Would you go running in search of a fluffier blog?
But I never should have underestimated you, my dear readers.
Because you didn’t run. Instead, you told me I wasn’t alone.
You reminded me that we all have secrets.
We all have a past, a condition, an ailment–something we don’t want others to use to define us.
And we ALL find comfort when we learn that we’re not alone.
And it’s that feeling of comfort that has inspired a new “series” I would love to start on LMM.
Introducing the I HAVE A SECRET SERIES
A series of posts where we learn about your secrets,
where we tell you that you’re not alone,
where we comfort you and perhaps even provide you with the courage to overcome your secret,
OR the strength to endure your secret,
OR we just become educated about your secret.
Anonymous or with a name attached, you decide how you want your secret to be posted.

Trust me, there are others out there who will be touched, who will be strenghtened by your courage in coming forward.
If you feel so inspired, email me your SECRET, your STRUGGLES at:
I want to know your story.
And, if you haven’t read it yet, here’s my secret.
And for those of you who are thinking,
pshh, her secrets not that big of a deal. I mean look at all that hair she has”
Well here’s the truth:
I have hair extensions to help hide my secret.

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  • Reply
    Free Pretty Things For You
    November 23, 2010 at 7:54 am

    you are so beautiful, brave and absolutely inspiring!!
    Love you miss ash!!!

  • Reply
    Free Pretty Things For You
    November 23, 2010 at 7:54 am

    you are so beautiful, brave and absolutely inspiring!!
    Love you miss ash!!!

  • Reply
    Dana @ SweetThings
    January 18, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    WOW….I'm in total shock!! Ashley, you are so courageous. This is my first time visiting your blog and I'm HOOKED!!I never would have guessed that you didn't have this perfect little life. I'm the YW president in my ward and I want to share your story with the girls. You are inspiring! These young girls today are so lost and insecure. They look to others for self worth. Thank you for being so honest and real. You are amazing!! I know your "problem" is very real and painful but sometimes we have trials in our lives to help us search deep within ourselves to find out what we are really made of. I really believe that you can either sit and feel sorry for yourself or reach out and help others. Thank you for turning this painful situation into something positive. I'm so PROUD of YOU!!!

  • Reply
    April 6, 2011 at 4:04 am

    Ashley,when i read the blog post about ur deepest darkest secret, I cried. And when i read ur post about being a new momma and how u felt I cried even more. To know that someone feels exactly like I did was a little overwhelming. I have felt the need to please everyone since i was a little girl. No matter how i was feeling as long as everyone else was happy I felt accomplished. I had such an overwhelming fear of failure and dissapointment it crippled my self esteem. So when I had my first child and he spent every night for the first three months of his life sreaming from 3pm to 3am every day, no matter what i did,to myself i was a failure. It was the ultimate blow. I had failed as a mother and slipped into post partum depression. I loved Trey so much it hurt but at the same time i would question why i deserved him, and why i could not help make him happy. So when he was diagnosed with gerd I realized it wasnt my fault. And with some much needed sleep and prayer I came out of the darkest time of my life. I am still a pleaser and still very neurotic but with age i have realized that is what makes me "me" and im ok with that. So keep up the awesome work u do on this blog and know u touch people everyday. Much love from Alabama!

  • Reply
    July 28, 2011 at 1:34 am

    I am new to the blogging world and your blog was one of the first blogs I have looked at and I fell in love with it. You are such an inspiration! I too have a secret I have struggled with postpartum depression for over a year now (ever since my son was born) and I have recently had the courage to tell my close friends and family. You have just inspired me even more! Thank you for being YOU!

  • Reply
    August 25, 2011 at 9:38 am

    I really liked the article, and the very cool blog

  • Reply
    September 14, 2012 at 2:28 am

    Hi Ashley,

    I really commend you for what you are doing. I wish I was brave enough to tell people about my secret. It started after my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me the beginning of my senior year of college. It was a messy break up and I was already dealing with the stress of taking my MCAT, applying to medical school, and writing my honors thesis for my chemistry degree – in short, I was dealing with A LOT. Like you, I have always feared being a disappointment – I know now that it stems from the need to please my father, who was extremely hard on me and always expected a lot from me. So, my senior year of college I started pulling my eyebrows. I had to draw my eyebrows on every morning and I would refuse to go swimming for fear my eyebrows would wash off. It’s been three years and since then I’ve had them tattooed on. Now I frequently get compliments on how great my eyebrows look and I always cringe, thinking of how much of a fake I am. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one and finally have a safe place to share my story.

  • Reply
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  • Reply
    October 9, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Ashley – I have recently found your blog and I am in love with it. I am in love with not feeling alone any more. I wanted nothing more than to be a Mama my whole life and then I was and it just wasn’t. It wasn’t what i wanted, expected, hoped for, wished for…it just wasn’t. It is wonderful and I love my Buba-Lou more than anything in the world, but its hard and exhausting. I was also wondering if you still share other people’s secrets?

  • Reply
    January 14, 2013 at 7:57 pm

    I have been looking all over the internet for other people That pull their hair out. I have been pulling my own hair out for about a year now, I feel sick about it! I am always positioning my hair to cover up my bald spots and i do it worse when I am nervous,worried or under alot of stress. I tried the rubber band on my wrist for awhile and started getting bruises and then had to explain to everyone that then my boyfriend started finding my clumps of hair everywhere especially on the floor where I sit and beside my bed. I want to Thank you for your website this is the first one I have replied to and I have found that most people just thinks that it is something I choose to do and that makes it more embarrasing I have found that keeping a picture of my bald spots that I took with my cell works when I get the urge to pull i pull it up. i was also thinking of getting a doll or a wig that I could keep handy and when i get the urge maybe to use that instead of my own hair. Again I wanted to thank you and I look forward to staying in touch and move beyond this shameful situation.

  • Reply
    January 18, 2013 at 7:14 am

    I share the same secret. For 12 years now. I started pulling when I was 13. Now at the age of 25, I’ve never been “pull free” for more than 6 months once or twice. And then, after months and months of hard work and hair growth, I can ruin it in minutes. The ironic part of it is, I’m a Hair Stylist. Hair in my hands all day, everyday. I like to think It helps me face my problem head on. But even in such a judgmental, image conscious field, I can’t seem to get it under control. I only pull from my scalp. It’s amazing I stumbled upon your blog entry, as my hands were wandering around my head right as I came across it. It’s nice to feel like you’re not alone in this battle against yourself and your own hands..they always seem to win.

  • Reply
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  • Reply
    Jim Rhodes
    November 21, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    I don’t have any secrets, to be honest. You can find me here and we will discuss it. If you want that.

  • Reply
    April 2, 2020 at 2:38 pm

    So we love to add movement Beer Costume with these bands that emulate fringe,

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